Is this black?

Surprise!

We are not building a pink house.

Yeah…. shocker!

It’s black.

To be specific, it’s black brick.

The only issue is, that black bricks don’t exist. Well, not unless you paint it, but then that loses ‘the integrity of the materials’ (please use your wankiest voice as you read that, thanks).

I feel like I have spent the last three days lost in that ‘is this dress blue or white’ nonsense that did the rounds two years ago.

Is this brick black?… or is it blue?… is it more brown?… do you see grey?… it’s definitely not black… but then if you stand in this light and squint one eye…. mmmm… yeah I still see grey… but what about if the morter is white?… or black?… or off black?… or 50 shades of grey?… will it look black?

We literally have 11 samples of ‘black brick that isn’t black brick’ in our flat right now. Anyone who has been here knows that we DO NOT have space for 11 samples of brick to be in our flat right now.

What is so annoying is that brick people have the gal to label their brick ‘black’ or ‘onyx’ when it is clearly grey… or brown. Its offensive, to be honest, and a waste of time. I might start a petition.

We spent over two hours this weekend doing a tour of the best black brick houses London has to offer (my poor child puts up with a lot of dull car journeys. bless her), so we could judge their blackness for ourselves (like the reverse brown paper bag test.. for buildings…). The results are inconclusive and the search continues.

Yes.., I’m fully aware of the raging pandemic happening outside my door, and that this inability to locate the blackest black brick is so insignificantly insignificant in the grand scheme of all the world things… but yet… here I am.

In black brick hell.

Spot the difference : )