Purpose

We had another slow week on-site but, despite my impatience, I was actually grateful for the stillness, as Chadwick Boseman's passing last weekend hit me harder than I expected.

After a week of news that I tried and failed to make any sense of, his death was the final straw needed to send me under my duvet for the day to binge-listen to past episodes of my friends podcast 'Altar Call - A Married at First Sight Podcast'' (which I highly recommend).

Chadwick Boseman brought to life a character and story that means an extraordinary amount to me, and countless other black adults and children. It's a story which is elevating and fantastical, yet grounded in a culture we could identify with and be proud of. Before Black Panther, superheroes did not look or sound like us. Black Panther felt like ‘ours’ and the build up to its release was electric. It's impossible to underestimate how much representation matters, and what Chadwick's existence has done for a whole generation of young black children. 

Aside from this, and perhaps what moved me the most, is how he appeared to move through the years he had with unyielding intention and purpose. His ability to do that, despite all of the challenges he was facing personally, the reality of the industry he worked in, and the mental warfare many black men face to just exist in joy, is breathtaking.

I have always struggled with identifying the kind of purpose that Chadwick demonstrated. That deep sense of knowing yourself and pursuing what is meant for you. Chadwick’s death intensified my fear of not finding it, but through the last week, the universe kindly sent me what I needed to hear.

First, a friend shared this quote from Chadwick on Instagram:

“The struggles along the way are only meant to shape you for your purpose”

and added his observation:

“I noticed something: Chadwick Boseman used his platform to fulfil his purpose. Quick question: are you chasing the platform or the purpose?”

This question made me pause.

Another friend shared an article written in The Guardian by Oliver Burkeman, giving his ‘eight secrets to a (fairly) fulfilled life’. The following stuck out to me:

“the irony is that you don’t actually serve anyone else by suppressing your true passions anyway. More often than not, by doing your thing – as opposed to what you think you ought to be doing – you kindle a fire that helps keep the rest of us warm.”

A week after my day in bed, and two and half weeks before I leave a job and company that has given me a strong sense of purpose and identity over the last 9+ years, I don’t have my answers. I do not know what I want to use my platform for, or how I can pursue my passions to bring me joy, and perhaps keep others warm in the process, and today, I’m okay with that.

I have time… maybe, but, even if I don’t, surely there is something special in the process of that discovery? Perhaps we never actually find ‘it’. Instead, maybe there’s just a continued journey of rediscovery and renewed purpose. New intentions that are born from joy and grief. From having a child, or building a house, or changing jobs. Who knows. I know I don’t…

So, while I wait patiently for more divine signals, I’ll be drawing inspiration from the humans I’m lucky enough to have as parents. From my mama, who decided to channel her passion for children by doing the ‘parenting thing’ all over again and becoming a foster carer to my awesome younger brothers. From my dad, who has intentionally moved from barely being able to draw a straight line (not kidding) to becoming a full-blown artist, in twelve short months.. aged 70.

Last weekend was rough, but I’m glad I sat with the funk and shimmied my way through it. As a result, this week feels a little bit lighter.

Thank you, Chadwick.